New To This

I'm 320 lbs and I don't even know why. I know I've been slowly gaining wight for the past 12 years. 10 lbs here and there...I eat to celebrate, eat out of boredom and for the social aspect. I do care about what I look like; just not enough to commit fully and I like to, starting today.

I want to be a better mommy, wife, friend and daughter. I want to be happy with myself, so badly I would love to look into the mirror and think I'm pretty. I've been told by my biological father that  I was fat since I was two years old. Toddlers can't be fat or ugly in any way and having a two year old little girl, I don't see how a parent can say such horrible vile things about an Innocent child?

My 13th year of life, I detassled and became thin and very stereo typically pretty and blond. I pulled tassles for 6 + hours a day in the hot sun and the little extra weight I had melted off. Boys started to pay attention to me. It felt nice; like I wasn't ugly. Then not working I start to go from a size 10 to a size 14 and the guy I was dating started dating someone else. They were whispering about my weight too. I couldn't afford new clothes and it made a bad place to be in. I lost a few friends when I started gaining weight. So slowly over the years I gained and gained... I went from 130 to 320 in twelve sort years.

 

 

Along the  way I've had a few failed relationships; including the sperm donor. My self esteem lowered along the way. I became bitter and bitchy. A social outcast who loved to shock people with my actions. I started dating a girl in college. We gained weight together. We ate fast food and became pigs together, we even lived in a pigsty! She was toxic. I hated myself for becoming the person I did.
I tried putting myself together and married a military man. He was a nerd who I thought would live me. Instead he loved to abuse me verbally and other ways. We soon got a divorce after he lunched with females on a regular basis...

I was very blessed to find my best friend, my sweet husband and baby daddy. He is so kind to me and loves all 320 lbs of me. I finally feel like I'm healing from my past. I'm ready to start caring for my body since my husband is already taking care of my other needs... all of them. I really am in a good place now and I'd like to start working on the physical sife of me. I want to look as pretty as my husband sees me! He's my rock.